Since my last post I ..Well I have studied a little, when panic sets in I take meds and they calm me down. Yesterday I took a little more then I should have and slept. In my country the concept of Mature student is't very strong. I had to go to University today to get my registration id for the exams because I did't get it. Although when I came back it arrived 5 minutes after I was back. It was a bit odd in the university. Nothing unpleasent though, was't really that difficult.
Since I dropped out and resumed studies I really have't had any unpleasent experiences..just fears.. Few years back there I was starting an accounting class..There I was.. My Computer based examination center was in a campus where mean age was 16. I had told myself one thing... Laser guided.. U just go.. like a cruise missile.. Give exams.. and come back.. No need to be an unguided bomb and be effected or effect things right and left. This "Laster Guided" approach has helped me over the years. Anyway there I was...looking for someone who was above my age(might have been).. I was in my mid to late 20s and this kid walked upto me. Now in a herd of kids as a fat man you can get jokes. I was prepared for a come back, perhaps with a tint of agression or indifference, the kid politely asked me which exam I am here for, then he shook my hand and said very politely...Good Luck.. For some reason I would probably always remember it considering the whole situation.
Now this exam center is a bit like for the "masses" and I don't expect professionals or people with serious attitude their, however my fears are mostly just fears. I fear the chairs their would be too small for me(not likely). What would I do? Would I walk out? Would i sit uncomfortably? Well no one can stop you from walking out I guess lol. But here, in my city i have a good social standing. I don't want people to know I don't yet have a bachelors degree and am going for an option years ago and did't go because I had wrong information about the acceptance of my high school diploma(which is from the British system) and I was too afraid to check it.
I should pass, logic says that. But over the years.. I have lost a lot of confidence. What if Examiner can not understand me? Well I guess then I would fail lol. Which is no big deal considering I only thought about going for it like a month back and have studied for just over a week. But I know the course, I know it.. Its so easy.. it should be a piece of cake. Right now ..going..appearing.. looks like hassle. And the lack of confidence. However I am determined. I would go and I would appear and give it my best. Easier said then done when ur studying with intrusive thoughts from a thousand other subjects when ur studying one and the fear of going to an unknown place to give exams.
I have been through this system before the high school. I am not exactly expecting a five star hotel with well paid and kind young invigilators but I hope i am not ridiculed(don't think i would). And I don't meet anybody who is more worried about my weight and academic career then me lol. Die is the cast.. This is the price of freedom. I need this degree, so I can go for masters and complete my ACCA with confidence. I hope ..things go well....
Since I dropped out and resumed studies I really have't had any unpleasent experiences..just fears.. Few years back there I was starting an accounting class..There I was.. My Computer based examination center was in a campus where mean age was 16. I had told myself one thing... Laser guided.. U just go.. like a cruise missile.. Give exams.. and come back.. No need to be an unguided bomb and be effected or effect things right and left. This "Laster Guided" approach has helped me over the years. Anyway there I was...looking for someone who was above my age(might have been).. I was in my mid to late 20s and this kid walked upto me. Now in a herd of kids as a fat man you can get jokes. I was prepared for a come back, perhaps with a tint of agression or indifference, the kid politely asked me which exam I am here for, then he shook my hand and said very politely...Good Luck.. For some reason I would probably always remember it considering the whole situation.
Now this exam center is a bit like for the "masses" and I don't expect professionals or people with serious attitude their, however my fears are mostly just fears. I fear the chairs their would be too small for me(not likely). What would I do? Would I walk out? Would i sit uncomfortably? Well no one can stop you from walking out I guess lol. But here, in my city i have a good social standing. I don't want people to know I don't yet have a bachelors degree and am going for an option years ago and did't go because I had wrong information about the acceptance of my high school diploma(which is from the British system) and I was too afraid to check it.
I should pass, logic says that. But over the years.. I have lost a lot of confidence. What if Examiner can not understand me? Well I guess then I would fail lol. Which is no big deal considering I only thought about going for it like a month back and have studied for just over a week. But I know the course, I know it.. Its so easy.. it should be a piece of cake. Right now ..going..appearing.. looks like hassle. And the lack of confidence. However I am determined. I would go and I would appear and give it my best. Easier said then done when ur studying with intrusive thoughts from a thousand other subjects when ur studying one and the fear of going to an unknown place to give exams.
I have been through this system before the high school. I am not exactly expecting a five star hotel with well paid and kind young invigilators but I hope i am not ridiculed(don't think i would). And I don't meet anybody who is more worried about my weight and academic career then me lol. Die is the cast.. This is the price of freedom. I need this degree, so I can go for masters and complete my ACCA with confidence. I hope ..things go well....
