Ok now appearing in BA in two weeks plus. I am off SSRIs for months and I was doing reasonable I guess. Now this idea of resuming studies struck me and a private BA sounded like the best option. Something like 3 weeks back I registered with triple fee and chose my favorite subjects. Of course being the kind of procrastination didn't study. Now this is easy. the amount of knowledge I have this BA should be (technically) a piece of cake. I am not a kid. I have nothing to loose. Yet when I opened the sociology book(my fav subject) before i was through the second page my ocd came back with a vengeance. Naturally I don't have an IQ of 200, if an intrusive thought is going to come in my mind I would only be able to think of a vague answer to a question related to the subject. Not to mention the secondary social anxiety of going and appearing with kids a decade younger then me with the kind of weigh I have.
And then imagine intrusive thoughts attacking you all over. Well I couldn't handle them so I put the books down. I wasn't defeated however. I called my shrink, took sedatives went to my folks and spoke my heart out. I felt better. I even tried the pathetic habit I kicked in 2007(smoking). I don't plan to start again, just a temporary measure(don't try it). Then I talked to a friend on line, swapped a few coping techniques, put on headphones and played Jazz and some Indian Music from the 1980s and started again.. As my friend Churchill once said "We shell never surrender". I WANT TO STUDY.
Its not like i need to or am expected to. I REALLY REALLY WANT TO! And well it did work, I almost completed a whole chapter. Hope I do better from now on and pass with flying colours.. Both in BA and in ACCA in June(I would probably appear in one subject).
And then imagine intrusive thoughts attacking you all over. Well I couldn't handle them so I put the books down. I wasn't defeated however. I called my shrink, took sedatives went to my folks and spoke my heart out. I felt better. I even tried the pathetic habit I kicked in 2007(smoking). I don't plan to start again, just a temporary measure(don't try it). Then I talked to a friend on line, swapped a few coping techniques, put on headphones and played Jazz and some Indian Music from the 1980s and started again.. As my friend Churchill once said "We shell never surrender". I WANT TO STUDY.
Its not like i need to or am expected to. I REALLY REALLY WANT TO! And well it did work, I almost completed a whole chapter. Hope I do better from now on and pass with flying colours.. Both in BA and in ACCA in June(I would probably appear in one subject).
